Never Say Never & Wet Cat Food 30 Days Later

Mr. Ex aka Mr. Wrong yet soooo want him to be Right called me yesterday. Called ME. Called me on the PHONE. Called my cell phone. Yesterday afternoon while I was at work.

I heard the familiar ring and dug around in my purse to find that little beat up green phone thinking it was my mom calling to talk about her remodeling project. Oh no. I saw his name and had a true out of body experience. I stared at it for a second as my life flashed before my eyes before I hit talk. “Hello JessEca dis is…” Holy moly. I almost fell off my chair. I started shaking and sweating. I am certain he could hear my heart pounding on the other end of the line. I thought he was calling about something bad. Perhaps a tragedy with one of his friends or maybe he is being deported back to Eastern Europe. But no. He called to CHAT. CHAT! Like I haven’t spent the last month crying, wailing, praying, hibernating…trying to get over him. Thinking about him 58 times per day. Driving thru the parking lot of the bar where we first met and staring at his car. Angry, sad and alone. Going to our favorite Chinese restaurant alone at a table for two and chewing on my fortune cookies with such visceral lonliness that my jaw hurt.
Could almost feel him in the chair next to me. Touching his jeans and feeling his hard, beautiful leg against mine. Telling me that my eyes are so beautiful…they sparkle.

He asked me questions. About what I did for New Years and Christmas. Told me everything he has been up to. I didn’t know what to say. I was so trying to play it cool. Not to stutter or scream. I divulged nothing. He asked about my animals, my family. I wanted to burst. Exploding inside. He went on an on about his job and what he has been doing. Said he was calling to thank me for the lawyer I put him in touch with. Ok. Said his divorce is final. What the hell dude? WHY? Why did you call me? To torture me? To totally fuck up my Tuesday afternoon?

He said he wanted to respond to my email that I wrote exactly a month ago but he didn’t feel comfortable writing back to my work email. He said I shouldn’t use my work email for private matters. TOLD me not to do that anymore. WHO IN THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS? Telling me to do anything?

He asked me to send him my personal email address and to stay in touch. Is he going to respond to my email NOW? NOW! Stay in touch! This made it all feel real again. Not like the dream I worked so hard to compartmentalize in my mind and heart.

I blame it on the cat food. The night I met him I had a case of rotten cat food in my trunk. I bought it from Super Target and Lord did it stink. One of the cans must have opened during shipment and I didn’t realize it until it was in the trunk of my car. I was worried people would walk by and think I was Casey Anthony. I bought a case of cat food yesterday for the first time since then. Stupid cans of Iams gourmet Salmon filet.

In the profound words of Blue October:
So just pick your head up and
Walk away
Walk the coolest walk that you know
In a month or two the bitch will call you
You got to
Hang up the phone...