Bursting Bubbles

After every bad breakup I have experienced, I go through this bizarre grieving process. It’s very contradictory to my fear of commitment but once I allow something or someone into my life I have a very, very hard time letting it go. For example, my mom had to change our phone number when I was little (my dad was a lying, cheating bastard – yes I see where my men issues stem from) and I freaked out. I still remember the feeling of loss. My world tilted on its axis and I was angry and so upset.

Anyway…so after a boyfriend (or husband) dumps me…I go through this ritual in my mind. I know it sounds quite psycho but this has only happened to me 4 times or so. When I have lost someone I actually LOVE. It goes something like this:

1. Laundry in the basket. Stare at it. Put it in the washer. Think about how these are the last clothes I wore around Mr. Ex. Once I wash them, I will wear them again (not around him) and that makes me sad.

2. Find receipts, fortune cookies, mints, gum, other miscellaneous, meaningless scraps of nothing that remind me of Mr. Ex that I will shove in my wallet or purse and refuse to throw away. This makes me understand hoarders a little bit.

3. Think about shampoo bottles, body wash, soap (anything that you use and throw away every couple months – does not apply to furniture or appliances for obvious reasons) and feel a sense of closure when I squeeze out the last drop of whatever product I had been using while dating Mr. Ex. Smell is a powerful sense for bringing back memories.


4. If convenient, go to the local mall and find where they sell Mr. Ex’s cologne. Spray it on a card, put in my purse and smell it periodically for the next week. This is conscious, intentional torture but hard to resist.

5. If Mr. Ex has left anything at my house, I will refuse to touch it. At all. Because once I move it, it somehow takes me further away from him.

Reading this…it sounds a little scary but it is my way of letting go and missing him. It is better than stalking and/or slashing tires right?




I went and got my car washed today…first time since the breakup so that was a step in the right direction. Wash him away, wash him away, wash him away.